Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
