this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
