After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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