dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
