Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize