Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
