If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
