Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
