ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
