I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
tell me about the eggs
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize