So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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