So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
