If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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