why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
