last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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