You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i wish my penis had a tongue
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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