Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize