The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
