drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
