if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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