20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
