Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
