she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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