Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
