dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
