at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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