Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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