How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize