When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
