I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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