Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
