Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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