i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
