oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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