I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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