Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
