you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
