yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
