hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Your dad touched me again.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
