Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Drake has all the answers
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
