A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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