4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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