she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
