I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
