Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize