If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I want a musical about memes.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
