She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
