dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
