yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
