Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Randomize
