I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
