So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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