if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
