i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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