so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
