She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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