so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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