I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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