And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize