ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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