her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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