I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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