i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
