that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
