birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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