Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
