Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
