My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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