You smell like a Billy Joel song
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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