So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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