I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just found puke in my bra..
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
