I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
