Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
