i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
